Pop-quiz Hotshot

You suddenly feel the urge, you've felt it thousands of times before and this time is no different. You walk across the room and take a seat on that comfortable if not slightly chilly seat you've spend so much time on before. You relax, take a breath and push. It's only then, cheeks deep in a foot-locker of shit, that you don't have a shovel. All you see is a sad-looking empty roll of brown cardboard, hanging on the wall like the little terd still hanging from your ass. What do you do, Hotshot. What do you do?

For some reason I seem to be in a constant state of TP shortage. I like to think that I'm just becoming less full of shit but who really knows. Personally I blaim the government, it's all those loose immigration laws that are handing out TP like it's candy and leaving Joe-worker with little more than a pinecone to clean his crevace.

And another thing! I'm tired of The Man trying to make me feel like less of one and pushing products under my nose so that I can be as confident in my manhood as... as something plenty confident. Damnit I'm quite comfortable with how I wear my hat thank you and I don't need Man Style tissues. Man style tissues? What the hell is that? What's wrong with regular tissues? I tell you something, they're nothing! Nothing! They're just a little larger thrice the price and aimed to castrate the modern man into the consumer servitude that so many have already fallen. "Man Style" toilet paper I could use, maybe I should just invest in a bidet and bedone with it. But really people, what the hell? They're just one step away from paper towels, and I don't want to get started on paper towels. Satisfied? Cause I'm not damnit!

Sunday and my faith in weather forecasting has been shattered

It's Sunday, 1147, 27th November, it's sunny(more or less) it's been pretty cold for a while now. Not cold by home standards but cold enough to freeze a little puddle in the shade on a windy day down by the river. Most people seem to think it's quite cold but I'm still not convinced. It's been 4 days since I was promised snow and not a flake has fallen. Today the weather is to be mostly cloudy with sunny breaks, a high of 7'C cooling down to a low of 2'C this evening. There's a northerly wind blowing at about 17mph. There's moderate visibility, the barometer is rising steadily from 997mB. The relative humidity is 77%. The sun index is Low, as well as the pollution. I'm not even sure that I can trust this! I have to resort to sticking my head out the window that won't open. My world is crashing down and all I can do it just look at the weather report and know that it's all lies! Lies! Lies! Lies!

The last couple days have been nice, besides getting lost on my way to the party Friday(but really now, it's not a party unless I get lost at some point in the evening). The party when I eventually got there was good times, but it being kinda out of the way meant that we would have to leave early inorder to catch a bus back to "civilization" but I met some nice people, many of whom happened to be in my program but as yet had not met. Friday afternoon was nice, I went to talk to a Prof about a paper outline which I had prepared and which he then rejected but it's better sooner than later with those sorts of things. I walked home and picked up a couple of small salami at the Borough market. I'm quite excited about them, they're just a little young so they're hanging on my bullitin board right now to age.

Saturday was a wash. Although I did get a new paper idea ready which I think I can take back to Dr Honig without complete rejection. Other than that I did do some readings but mostly couldn't concentrate and ended up watching a couple movies, although not completely not being able to concentrate seemed to transcend ever distraction and I found myself all over the place. I started trying to figure out what I would do over the break. I found a nice site with cheap flights, but I can't seem to decided on a location. Prague would be nice, but maybe Vienna. I'm starting to think Vienna would be nice for a week, just hanging out. I still have some time to decide, although admittingly less than I think. Classes end on the 16th and I need to book my flight a week ahead.

Today hopes to be something close to productive, at least get some readings done, see what's going on with my paper, maybe start looking at my other paper due the same day. It'll be a relaxed day. I'll probably make another one of those breakfast petas that I've been growing fond of, it's just scrambled eggs with sundried tomatoes and cheese, in a peta with more cheese. I've been thinking maybe I should open the more mature of the two salamis and throw some of it in with the egg, but they both look so lovely hanging on my wall. I feel like I'm in a Hungarian Deli!
We'll see, maybe I'll make a grilled cheese sandwich again, it was quite tasty even after I'd burnt it. Nevermind that none of my flatmates know what grilled cheese is, they think I'm crazy.

and everyone has to check out www.areasofmyexpertise.com/hoboes it's quite a wonderful thing. It's not for everyone, I know lots of people who won't get it but damnit I think we should all give it a listen.

Thursday, a day of days

Right in the middle of my week I get this break of two days. I have Wednesday and Thursday off, then I'm back to class for Friday so it's kinda like a mid week weekend. Regardless that it's just as long as the actual weekend it never really feels the same way. So far these days have usually constituted me reading/napping and generally slacking off. I don't slack off as much as I do on the real weekend though, I've been actually fairly productive, the only thing is that I start to get a little cabin fever. I start going a little loopy.

Today was strange. First I woke up rather early compared to the norm around here, which usually hangs around 1030 or 11 depending on how bad I need to pee. So I get up, I pee, I do my pushups(I've taken to doing pushups after I pee in the morning, I think it's good) and then I stare at my monitor for a while, checking my email and such. Eventually I start to notice my stench and decide that I'm in need of a shower. The light in my washroom(I use the term loosely) seems to be on the fritz, it's continually blinking, it's like I'm taking a shower in a disco. It's a very bizarre sensation. After the shower I did some reading until my stomach began to rumble, on my way to the kitchen I run into Karen my flatmate(noting my detail thusfar you might assume that I'm nude or in a towel at most by this point, it's not true, I had put on some sort of clothing nothing trendy enough to get into my Disco tech of a washroom but that's another matter). As I saw Karen she runs back into her room and returns with some Barbedan dish called a Chonchey. She explained the basic composition which had something to do with banana and raisins and normally wrapped in banana leafs but it seems to be hard to find banana leafs in London in November so it was wrapped in tinfoil, which was to be removed before heating and eating. I thanked her dearly and then proceeded to make my meal of fancy rice(fancy being not white, it's not an actual type of rice, that's just me calling it fancy) and Konchey(I haven't a clue of the spelling so everytime I mention it I'm gonna vary the spelling). Fueled on my lunch, I had a nap. I eventually got up and started reading again, with the poor lighting conditions in the washroom I couldn't very well read on the thrown so my bodily functions were put on hold for a couple hours. Eventually sat down at my computer and started one of the papers that are due on the 16th. It turns out that hypothetically this paper could be done come Monday. This I found quite encouraging, but I cut my celebrations short and decided that I should run it past my prof first before continuing. Somewhere in there I watched the wedding crashers, and did some research into restaurants downtown. I also discussed double-fisting(get your mind out of the gutter) with a friend, listened to a lot of Bob Dylan and Frank, and contemplated the eadibility of Shakespeare(his works not the physical author). I did eat a can of beans, and am currently enjoying a beer. For dinner I had spaghetti(whole wheat). In actuality my life isn't even close to this banal, but if I were to disclose everything in my life I would have no tales to tell when we meet up again. We're expecting snow tomorrow! I'm excited, and I just got invited to a party over at Canada Waters so it'll be just like home, except it being nothing like home. Mmmmm snow...

Two months in country

So as of 0700hrs this morning, I've been in the country two months. I went shopping today. I decided that I needed to blow some of my OSAP which just came in yesterday. I got some speakers that I was reluctant to buy before. I also got some socks(from the same place I had gotten my socks before)I hit the drug store and got some shampoo which I had just run out of, some vitamins(I'm quite sure I'm not getting enough of much in my diet also some vitamin C it's getting to be cold season), and some soap. I always have problems with soap, I used to get Ivory, it was nice and simple, it was alright. Then I went to this goat soap stuff that I really like, but now I've run out and didn't have the foresight to bring extra with me. So now I have to find a new soap(this is really probably the extent of the real drama in my life, nevermind the other stuff that I have a feeling that I make up in my mind) I ended up just picking up a single bar to get me through until I can find a store with some selection. Boots, the drug store, only seems to stock Dove(which reminds me of the grand folks, it's not a bad scent but... Well... nevermind) and the store brand which comes in a number of scents that I would enjoy if I were smelling it for the sole reason that I was getting close to a girl but generally I don't need to smell like that. So I grabbed a single bar of this stuff called "simple" which I found smells like tallow, I just need it to get me through until I can get something that I can agree with. You're probably wondering why I don't have the same problem with shampoo. Well technically I would, but I've gotten into the habit of just buying whatever comes in a black bottle that has some sort of volumiser, not so much because I need that extra little umf but more because I think it's funny.

I also happened to pick up a bottle of Chivas Regal, and some Brandy(the liquor not a girl, as much as I'd like the latter). They'd put the lights up on the lamp posts and the city seems to be getting into the swing of the Christmas season. Oxford street seemed just like a mall slowly filling to capacity, people everywhere starting to be more and more bundled with the coming "cold". In the shops becoming more and more crowded almost by the minute, sales and promotions bidding you to spend spend spend. It's dark really early now, and walking down the street you pass people handing flyers for Oratorios and sing-a-longs. You even pass people roasting chestnuts for sale, it's not just something in a song over here! It was all getting to me, so on my way home I made a stop at the Odd Bins(some sort of higher end liquor store) and picked up some Christmas spirits, a bottle of brandy, and a bottle of Chivas.

I made a discovery here, actually it's not so much a discovery as it is just something I learned from a few friends. I had long known that they do not have drink crystals but I didn't know they have an alternative. It's called Squash(it's the type of drink, not a brand name, well I think it is a brand name but used expansively like Kleenex is used expansively to cover all tissue) it's a liquid concentrate that you dilute with water(I've yet to try diluting it with something other than water but I'm sure it'll prove to be interesting). Anyway the stuff it like crack and I can't get enough of it, I've already gone through a bottle and I've only had it for 4 days. It's dangerous stuff. But soo good.

Lastnight, in a celebratory effort to exaggerate my new found debt, I had a nice dinner with a friend and flipped the bill. It was a good time, she bought me a drink afterwards.

As weeks come and go

As weeks come and go, this one came and went. In retrospect it seems to have been a fairly productive week. Monday, I had my class as per then headed to the library. I eventually figured out how to find a book in the library(for some reason round here the Dewey Decimal system has gone the way of Old Yeller, in favour of something of unfathomed complexity involving a random series of numbers followed by a few letters that are occasionally part of the authors name and a map of the library... Somewhere in there I think you have to circumcise a goat and sacrifice a young child... It's just a weird system). I took out a number of books that had been sudgested to me by my probable dissertation supervisor. And as out of character as it sounds I also took out a book relating to my seminar on this Tuesday. I then read for a couple hours and met some friends at the student pub for a couple and then made it home without adventure.

Tuesday's seminar was filled with misconceptions and poor analogies, I must accept responsibility for the poor analogies but I still hold that my conception was as accurate as can be despite what that damned German journalist says! Bastard. After the seminar I called my unit back in London ON to enquire as to whether or not I could go to the unit here or not. I can't, not quite yet anyways. I then ran into a pair of newly wed Canadians from Manitoba one of whom is in my course, I then preceded to walk with them or places of abode being in the same direction. Before we were about to part ways I was cordially invited up to have dinner with them. I accepted and we had a very nice dinner talking about the course and adapting to life in England. The night began to wear on and I decided that I should head home before overstaying my welcome. I got home and read some of the books which I had taken out and had an early evening.

Wednesday I did laundry, I also had coffee(I actually did drink coffee, but only to be polite) with a friend.

Thursday I read and finished my presentation for Friday.

Friday I presented that which I had finished forming Thursday eve. Unfortunately my class was from 10-12 and I having to do the presentation this week, was in no position to skip as I usually do on the 11th November and get to a remembrance service. We did observe two minutes silence(more or less, it's rather hard to silence the city streets even in the dead of night let alone on a Friday morning) at 11. My presentation went well, I happen to have a unique view in my War in Philosophy and Imagination course I'm the only one(of three) to have any practical experience with the military and I also oddly enough happen to be the only war studies student (the other two are comparative literature). I seem to look at things a little less deeply which I think is a good contrast to these "deep" thinkers who in my opinion think too deeply on most things. After the class I then took the opportunity to meet with my potential/probable dissertation supervisor(he happens to run the philosophy and imagination course) and further discuss what I had come across in my week of reading. Much to my delight I was able to further his understanding of what I want to get at, and inturn he was able to give me more books to read and an area of thought to pursue. Right now I'm quite excited about this dissertation is seems to be setting itself up interestingly/frighteningly enough for a possible PhD dissertation.

Later that evening my buddy Steve came down, we proceeded to the Maple Leaf where we indulged in a pitcher of sleaman's honeybrown and a couple bottles of Canadian. The bar closed shortly as they tend to do round here(damn 11 of the clock pub closure) and we set about to find my buddy(another Canadian) who had given us rather cryptic directions(by cryptic I mean he told us the area of the city and no directions) to a bar he was heading to. A couple hours later and a number of pissed off cabbies(I hailed them and started asking for directions, most just started driving off, bastards) we eventually find a gay couple who were kind enough to direct us to the club in question. We get there and walk in to find everyone drunk out of they respective trees and the place relatively empty. I said high to my buddy who then as usual tried to enlist me as his "wing man" I declined and told him that despite the Steve and I were gonna head home.

Saturday was nice. We had made plans to meet up with a newly wed couple from Western, Jon and Heather, (who are over here at school and working respectively) for lunch. We met at Trafalgar square and had a lovely meal up in China town followed by gellato. It was quite a nice time and knowing they're in near the city I hope to get together with them again soon. We parted ways with them at the English National Opera(ENO) where Steve and I picked up our tickets for the evening and then hung out for a while and walked around the area a little. The show was wonderful, we saw Salome by Richard Strauss, for those of you who are not familiar it's the story of the crazy girl (Salome) who ended of Jon the Baptist. Although it could have used a little/lot more sexuality(it's not like we're in England or something, oh wait...) in the dance of the seven vales the show was great. Oddly enough it had this Nazi undertone to it for some reason. I've actually noticed that the Brits seem to have this odd fascination with Hitler and the whole Nazi movement, there's something about it on the BBC almost every day.

Sunday morning Steve headed back to Manchester and I've been reading(slacking) all day.

Satuday

It’s been a dreary Saturday of readings intertwined with movies and television, anything to break the monotonous wisdom of Clausewitz, narrated by the seemingly constant sound of lady’s hard-soled shoes as they walk down the road, past the playground, and through the park which my room backs onto. It’s November now, you can smell it in the air and see it in the trees. The brisk cool air punctures effortlessly my window pane and seeps straight into my long bare feet. Children play across the road, football and tag among the field and play contraption while I sit read and read of the winning of war. I break for a lunch of crumbly cheese, mashed potatoes, and water, and think of the dinner to come. One of pasta, meat-sauce, and wine. The light fades early and will only continue darker as the time moves. But the children still play their assortment of balls and games as night climbs in the park across the road. Fireworks will soon begin to dot the sky as the long anticipated eve grows to fruition. For four-hundred years they have waited for this night and they will not wait one eve more. I leave the flat and walk across the courtyard barefoot, sandal clad, surprised at the temperateness. Perhaps it is just my imagination. Perhaps this cold is just a memory of Novembers past. Memory from times when I would sit and dream bundled warm looking out the window at the breath floating up from the mouths of strangers as they walk to where they go. But I am no longer there. I am here and as the light grows dimmer still, and the night grows strong with fire. I will make my dinner and eat it to the sound of children playing in the park and of hard-soled shoes walking to where they must go, down the street, past the playground, and through the park.

Another dreary day in London

There seems to be a fair bit of nostalgia running around. It seems that whether at home or abroad thoughts and minds are turning to the holidays. There's the constant question among us foreigners of what we're planning to do over the break. Most seem to be heading home for the time, while a precious few of us have decided to test our mettle against a most probably intensely lonely situation.

I too recently have had a wave of nostalgia enter my life. Nevermind the mindful hauntings of a, frankly, missing season and the ever present anxiety of having little to no direction in life. I've been listening to the great music of my undergrad. Most recently I acquired a recording of Franz Liszt's Faust symphony. When the chorus mysticus enters it is truly one of the most incredible moments in music. I'm not sure why I might be taken with this sudden urge to hear those great tunes that I had admired abhorred and eventually abolished from my library. Perhaps it is just that they are simply great works, and that if I didn't wholly appreciate them when first introduced or when systematically ripped apart in study, I do now.

I think my dissertation might be starting to form. It's not even close to solidifying, if anything it resembles something close to the past used in papermache or maybe some jello powder, there's nothing real yet but the potential is all there.

I picked up my membership card for the Royal United Services Institute(RUSI). It seems to be quite a place, located in the Whitehall just across the way from the Horse Guards and Downing street, right in the thick of what makes this country tick. The library it self wasn't as impressive as it I had hoped, it's two floors of a more or less circular room, a rather large circular room, but when you take in to consideration that it's all, pretty much, on one topic it makes it seem a little grander.

After I received my card and had a look around the place I proceeded to the market(in the rain) to exchange a defective umbrella. I then came home where the hamster wheel began to spin and hopefully put into place the foundation of my dissertation.

One more week

So another week come and gone, or rather gone and come. In this week, among other things, I have learned a few things:

First, that being an Australian for a Halloween party(throwing on a Hawaiian shirt and wearing shorts and sandals) isn't nearly as impressive as if might have been at home.

Secondly, if it didn't taste like meat(I think it might attract birds, insects, and animals) marmite would be better suited for tarring a roof than for spreading on bread. For those who don't know marmite is a yeast extract, completely vegetarian friendly. It seems to be something people have grown up with in place of the peanut butter I and many North Americans have grown up with.

Thirdly, the military is still the military and you have to check every five minutes to make sure that anything gets done.

Quadiarily, Beethoven's third symphony still kicks ass.

Quintiarily, an all starch diet is possible, just not recommended.

Sexigesmally, listing things this way is seriously stretching my imagination and knowledge of Latin.

The seventh thing I've learned is that more clothes mean you have to do laundry less, and alternatively the less clothes you have the more you'll want to do laundry but really probably won't do it any more frequently(yeesh).

The eighth thing of this week I've learned is that no matter how much you like using computers to find things it's nothing compared to getting off you ass(as well as making the sales person get off his) and looking around the store until you find what you want. Nevermind the computer says they don't have any, damnit, it's gonna be there. That note I think needs a little expansion, on Thursday(my most productive day yet(though not productivity related to school)) I decided that I needed a printer. One of my flat mates had found a good deal on a printer, I would tell you what it was but it would only further outline how much more expensive things are round here. Anywho, I find the store... Eventually, and then find the item. Damnit!I know what the ninth thing I've learned this week, but I'll get to that in due course. So I talk to one of the salesidiots and say "I'll take one of those!" He looks around a bit and then runs to a computer, types something in, asks me the model No. and then says "I don't think we have any left." This is interesting, I ask him to check some other stores but for some reason he has immense trouble doing this and eventually comes back to check again at the stock in store. I notice at this point that they're holding two for customers, interesting. So, seemingly defeated, I ask if they had anything of comparable price and utility. They don't. We walk out into the printer section and he turns around and sees two boxes against the wall. It's what I'm looking for, he says you're in luck and I buy it. Wow, I assure you that didn't seem nearly as boring in my head or while I was doin it. Oh, and I got the printer on Saturday, not Thursday, which makes my thursday less productive but I think it was still quite productive not that I'll ellaborate on the day.

The ninth thing I've learned is that English kids are coo coo for fire works. It's like candy to them, though I sincerely hope they're not eating them.

And another thing, a men's haircut is usually twice what I'd pay at more. ugh.

Of course in addition to these many splendid discoveries there is always the multitude of extremely complex and intricate details deeply associated with the very heart of my degree[at this point someone would probably cough or sneeze poorly masking the word "bullshit"]

Oh! I also received a lovely package from my dear Mother, lots of good stuff although the beef jerky she sent didn't survive the trip. With that I must make the constant reminder that unless you all want to receive horribly random(and graphic) love letters I sudgest sending packages. Was that a little shameless? Yeah that was wasn't it though still, maybe you won't be terrorized with random love letters for your significant others to find and distress. That would be rather strange, also it would mean that I would have to detract from my tireless studies. Hmmm, interesting concept, well... I don't think I have anything else.

Current mood: Salsa and Mesquite
If I could have one wish right now it would be to get a plastic snowman so drunk that I could steal his Icecream.